Practice Life Review

grace has brought me safe thus far

This morning as I was barely waking up, I felt God inviting me to try and remember the moment He held my soul in His hands, whispered some instructions, and sent me to live here, in this body, in this place, on this earth. What a lovely and seemingly impossible invitation, and one that requires a spiritual imagination for sure, but if we’re friends, a spiritual imagination is likely something we have in common, so that’s why I’m telling this story here just for us.

As I lay there this morning, I put my hand on my heart, closed my eyes, and took a breath. And in my mind’s eye I saw a picture of what it might look like when an all-encompassing Love creates a human soul, sees its whole life trajectory, and tries to give it a little wisdom for the journey. It’s like a very good parent packing up a kid for a long summer at camp. You’d want to anticipate their needs, and make sure they’ve got everything to have the best trip possible. You’d want to make sure they got good roommates and group leaders to guide them along the way. You know they’ll miss you, and they might go through some struggles during their trip, so at the end of the day you know the thing they’ll need most is your assurance. “I’m a phone call away,” you might say as you tuck some love letters into a pocket of their suitcase, giving them one last squeeze face-to-Face before they tumble out of the House and onto the bus.

I imagined this exchange and felt the warmth of it, and what followed were flashes of the truly Wonderful life that I’ve had so far. It made me think of the life review that many who have had near-death experiences report having - a mix of shining, troubling, formative and ordinary experiences - although in a time like this, you realize that there really is no such thing as an ordinary moment.

So, what came to my mind, you may be asking? Well, I’ll tell you some, but only in the hopes that this exercise is something that you might try, because there is so much comfort in remembering that on this journey, it’s really is true that we’ve never been doing it alone.

So, what did I remember?

I remembered the day my kindergarten teacher poured out a bag of percussion instruments on the rug and I thought, “this is magic.” I remembered the crystal bowl of mints in my grandmother’s Southie house and how we were not allowed to touch them. I remembered running through a literal rainbow in the yard with my sisters on a day when the rain/sun line landed right where we lived. I remembered walking home by myself from my high school graduation and thinking I had no idea what might be next, but how relieved I was that it was over. I remembered my Mom buying me a bucket hat from the school store at my commuter college orientation and feeling the grace of what a new start could bring.

I remembered sitting on the floor of a college party with my friend, Moe. Sitting at a Papa Gino’s lunch with my friend, Lisa, at my first job out of college and hearing her talk about her friendship with Jesus like He was a real person. I remembered singing with my friends and singing at church and singing with my music class students and all of the many connections that music has made for me. I remembered my babies and the game we played after dinner acting out a story with Aaron Copland’s “Appalachian Spring.”

And I remembered my Mom being sick and I remembered the times I fell short. And the many times when my little family of four felt like a truly magical band and the grace of receiving that. And I felt gratitude for Tim who is always in my corner and I remembered the faces of the people with whom I’ve been fortunate to truly connect, soul-to-soul. I felt the enormity of how much it matters that we connect with each other in this way and a lot of gratitude around how often I’ve gotten to experience this so far.

And I remembered a bunch of other stuff, too.

It’s true that no one knows their own timelines, and I don’t know where this practice life review falls in the span of my life, but as this world seems to spin out of control in so many ways and places, it was a good time to stop and remember how a very good God has been with me all along, and how He will be with me as we cross over into whatever is next.

And I guess I’m wondering, friend, how about you?