Letting go

the spiritual necessity of surrender

When my friend Deacon Jerry Ryan was very ill in the hospital, I visited and sang him his favorite hymn: Give Me Jesus. Jerry and I had met years before when he was assigned to my parish and my husband and I were music ministers in our little college chapel. Though I did a short period of spiritual direction with Deacon Jerry, I now see clearly that our whole friendship was a time of teaching and mentoring for me. Always supportive and encouraging, Jerry was teaching me by his life’s example how to live out his favorite prayer, the Prayer of Abandonment, by Blessed Charles de Foucald.

Father, I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures -
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

It’s not dissimilar from Thomas Merton’s famous prayer on surrender:

The Merton Prayer

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though

I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Both prayers are about the spiritual necessity of letting go or what the Buddhists call detachment, and if we pay attention we can see all of the many opportunities we’re given in this life to learn this very hard lesson. As I prepare to lead a retreat weekend coming up soon, I’m working on a talk on a similar theme of ‘total security in Christ’ and I find I return to the question of how, in a world such as ours, total security in anything is even possible.

We can only let go of control or people or circumstances or even long-held beliefs if we are giving them into the hands of Someone or something bigger. I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters or risk, and I am loathe to throw my hands up in the air in any kind of adventurous manner without counting the cost beforehand, but in living as long as I have, I know that one thing is for sure:

There is no freedom without surrender.

This week I’m working on letting go of a whole bunch of stuff. I see too clearly how hardened and unpersuadable many American Christians have become to living (or even knowing) Jesus’ actual Gospel teachings versus the twisted nationalist, clericalist version they’re being fed which is so much more about power than about grace. I see how frail and fragile our attachments to our roles can be. I’ve seen what a hardened heart looks like up close and how authority is wielded to protect and serve the already powerful and wealthy. And it’s clear enough for anyone with eyes to see: the systems and institutions are cracking under their own weight of grift, hypocrisy and corruption and it’s time to let go any pretense of individual control over any of that. Rather it’s time for presence, service, community, connection and doing our work well. It’s time to gather in our own oil by way of prayer and study and action. As this world spins wildly and we naturally grasp at control, it’s beyond time - as scary as it is - to open our hands and give it all to the only One who can actually handle it, and to let Him live in us the best we can.

Give Me Jesus

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus.

Now the journey has begun, give me Jesus.

When I am alone, give me Jesus.

I heard my mother say: give me Jesus

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus.

You can have all this world,

Give me Jesus.

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